she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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