That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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