didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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