I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
