just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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