Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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