I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize