ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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