I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
