But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
