I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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