Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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