If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
