I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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