My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize