Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Where is the hickey?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
