I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
