If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
