you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
