you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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