dude i'm inner monologue high
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
