Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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