There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
