Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
