I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
