i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
