Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
