I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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