I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Don't make out with my wife yet
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He better not be in your backpack
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
