as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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