we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
