i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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