Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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