sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
