there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
