Don't EVER smell your tampon
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
