Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
