She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
