Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
