I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
