Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
