My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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