Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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