You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
