also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
