do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
