Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
