There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
