just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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