Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
