we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
