i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
