I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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