Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
