I wanna passion pit in your ass
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
