Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
