Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
