I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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