we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
