every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
bring money and cleavage
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
