meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
my poor anus
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
