my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
