I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
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