Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
