We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just had sex on a roof
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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