Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
