he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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