Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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