I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
