Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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