you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize