in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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