You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
