Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
