Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
