fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize