There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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