is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
