He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
