So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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