summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
