um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Congratulations! We have a period
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
