i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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