doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
