then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
