puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
