Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
