Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
