I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
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