Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
