I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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