Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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